A bit of small talk · Tonho
Hey. Tonho. I’ve been hauling nets here on the point since I was eleven.
That piece of ground across the road is mine, but I haven’t planted anything on it in two years.
It’s not laziness, no. It’s that I owe money to the man at the store, and everything I take from the sea goes there.
The debt isn’t gambling or cachaça, if that’s what you’re thinking. It’s medicine.
My mother fell ill last winter. Dona Zefa did what she knew, and what she didn’t have came from the store, on credit, and dear.
Mother got up. The bill stayed. I think it was worth it, and I’d do it again.
If you want that ground, I won’t charge for it. Pay what I owe at the store and the land is yours, papers and all, in front of the priest.
It’s not charity. It’s that idle land reminds me every day of what I couldn’t do.
Cross by canoe? I have crossed, yes. I don’t anymore.
One March night I went over there with the net full. The water was smooth, smooth as a plate.
On the far side there was light in the woods. Not a campfire, not a lamp. A still light, at the height of my chest.
I rowed back facing it, so as not to take my eyes off it. I lost the net and never went back for it.
You read the invitation. So you already know more than me, and I hardly read anything.
But I know water, and I'm telling you: the river changes its smell near that farm.
My father used to say that where the water's smell changes, something changed first.
You all really did put that bridge back up. I saw it from far off, thought it was just talk.
Now I cross on foot and don’t need any canoe. Or to look to the side.
You want to know how much? One thousand nine hundred.
I know it by heart. I wake up knowing it. I’ve tried not knowing and I can’t.
I’m not asking for anything, mind. It’s just that nobody ever asked the number, they only ask if it’s hard.
My father taught me to read the tide at nine. At eleven he went down alone on a day I said looked bad.
I said it. I was a boy and I said it, and he laughed and went.
So when my mother sits there at the door watching the bend in the road, I know exactly what she’s seeing. And that’s why I come up earlier.
That’s why the debt doesn’t kill me. Paying the debt is easy next to the rest.